Marriage isn’t as easy as it seems at the onset of the wedding day. After the dancing and partying comes the reality of starting a life together. The first year of marriage can feel like the hardest. This is because it is full of changes and adjustments as you and your partner adapt to your new roles. Yet how you handle this period of adjustment is crucial to the longevity of your marriage. Research across various sources highlights the following as tips for scaling through the first year of marriage:
Understand your First Year is the Transition Period
No matter how long you were dating before getting married, or how long you cohabited and feel you know each other, marriage is a different ball game. The first year of your marriage will probably shed all the myths related to matrimony being something really fascinating. You will be disappointed because what you thought didn’t happen. Coming from a different place, a newlywed’s first year often goes into understanding people and their practices. You will find it difficult to understand or get along with your in-laws.
Work through your differences as a unit. You’ll need to be open to learning, compromising, and adjusting to each other through the good times and the bad as you integrate your lives together. Even in the newlywed stage, there will be conflict that must be resolved. Conflict will not go away during your marriage and learning to look at conflict in a positive manner will help you in the long term. If one person prefers to deal with the problems right away and the other needs time to cool down before having a conversation, work together to find a solution that works best for both of you.
Go Easy on Yourselves
Not every day will be perfect, or even good, and that has to be okay. Don’t beat yourselves up. The old adage says marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. And some days will feel like an obstacle course where you have to carry your spouse up a mountain and through a pit of mud. Obsessing whether you have a strong marriage or whether you’re doing everything right are great ways to set yourself up for failure. You need to accept that you wouldn’t learn everything about how to be a wife or a husband in a day. It’s a process.
Consult Together
When you are newly married, you may forget that every decision you make affects your spouse. Some men could feel it is unmanly to consult their wives about things. Some who are used to taking advice from friends and family could continue to do so, naturally. However, when you are married, no other human relationship is more important than the one that exists between you and your spouse. It is imperative then that in keeping that bond strong, good communication is vital. When discussing matters that will affect your marriage partner, explain how you would like to handle the situation, but present your thoughts as suggestions, not final decisions or ultimatums; ask your spouse to express his or her opinion, and acknowledge your spouse’s right to hold a different viewpoint. Be reasonable, and adopt your mate’s preference even if you see things differently.
Be Tactful
Depending on your family or cultural background, you might be in the habit of expressing your opinion firmly and bluntly. You just open your mouth wah, and words just start to come out. You might say things that you personally do not find offensive, but it could hurt your spouse. Blunt expressions can hurt your spouse’s feelings, especially the wife. It is important to think before you speak. Do not assume that your mate wants to be spoken to in the same manner that you are used to. You need to develop tact, the ability to discern the delicacy of a situation and to deal with the matter kindly, without causing offence. An article suggests :
When you are annoyed with your mate, imagine that instead of talking to your spouse, you are conversing with a good friend or with your employer. Would you still use the same tone of voice or choice of words?
Remember not to open your mouth, wah and allow words to come out. Place some kind of filter next to your lips, and a tight reign on your tongue. It is important to remember that words are sharper than a sword. Since you just got married, your spouse will not understand that that’s just how I like to talk, so try to take things easy. Your spouse deserves to be spoken to with tact and respect.
Bottom Line
Surviving the first year of marriage can be one of the most difficult challenges for many newlyweds. In fact, many married couples say their first year was the hardest. However, your marriage can be successful if you and your spouse are willing to put in the continual work that makes a relationship last.
