We all communicate differently irrespective of our gender. If married partners discuss their marital problems, they might end up further apart if they don’t understand each other’s patterns of communication. How can you improve the situation? Let’s see the dynamics in communication styles first of all:
A Point to Remember
People usually want to express themselves when there is a problem. They also usually feel better after they have expressed their feelings with the knowledge that someone understands them. Most times, the person telling you his problem does not necessarily need you to proffer solutions. They just want to be heard.
The male point of view
Fixing things makes a man feel useful. Offering solutions is his way of showing his wife that she can rely on him for help. Hence, husbands are baffled when their solutions are not readily accepted. You have to let your partner know that you fully understand and empathize with the dilemma before you suggest a solution. Oftentimes your spouse isn’t asking you to come up with a solution at all—just to be a good listener. Do not tell her that she talks too much. Do not dismiss her when she speaks. Try to see things from her perspective. Try to get into her head and decipher her thoughts.
Practice Empathetic Listening
Furthermore, when you discuss a problem with your spouse, resist the urge to give unsolicited advice. Make eye contact, and focus on what she is saying. Nod in agreement. Repeat what has been said to prove that you get the point. If your husband prematurely offers solutions, do not conclude that he is being insensitive. Likely he is trying to lighten your load. We tend to treat others the way we want to be treated. However, in order to discuss problems effectively, you need to consider how your spouse would like to be treated.
Do not make assumptions. Also, do not expect your partner knows how you feel. Tell your partner what hurts you and be clear about what you need. Do not take things personally. Do not resort to name-calling especially since this will make matters worse. Without a doubt, if you are angry, try to calm down before you speak to your spouse. Remember that problems will always arise in your marriage. Finally, by discussing issues earlier, they can be resolved more quickly.
