There is no perfect relationship. You are bound to offend your partner every now and then. When that happens you may need to apologize to them. The word “sorry” is heavy on the lips of many. If that is the case for you, what might you do?
The Challenge
You and your partner have just had an argument. I don’t need to apologize, you tell yourself. You reconsider apologizing, but you cannot bring yourself to say those simple words I’m sorry. There are three major reasons why it is difficult to apologize. The first is Pride. You may struggle to apologize because of your ego. Pride can make you too embarrassed to acknowledge your share of the blame.
The second reason is your viewpoint. You might feel that an apology is in order only if you are responsible for the problem. You might feel even more justified if you feel that what happened was entirely your partner’s fault. When you genuinely believe that you haven’t done anything wrong, withholding an apology becomes a way of declaring your innocence.
The third is Upbringing. Perhaps you were raised in a household where apologies were hardly said. If so, you may not have learned to own up to your mistakes. Having had little practice as a child, offering sincere apologies as an adult has never become your habit.
WHAT YOU CAN DO
Focus on your Partner.
Try to think of a time when someone apologized to you and how good that made you feel. Why not make your partner feel the same way? Even if you do not believe you were wrong, you can apologize for the hurt your mate feels or for the unintended consequences of your actions. Such words can help your partner to heal.
Think about your Relationship.
View an apology, not as a defeat for you, but as a victory for your relationship. It is difficult, if not impossible, to restore peace in such a defensive atmosphere. On the other hand, when you apologize you prevent the offence from becoming a barrier. In essence, you put your relationship ahead of yourself. Yes, apologizing may be difficult if you are not fully to blame. But your partner’s faults do not excuse bad behaviour on your part. So do not hesitate to apologize, thinking that the passing of time will cover the offence. Your apologizing can make it easier for your partner to apologize too. And the more you practice apologizing, the easier it will become for you.
Prove That You Mean It
Rationalizing your behaviour is not the same as apologizing for it. Accept responsibility for your actions and acknowledge the hurt your partner feels, whether you believe that the hurt is warranted or not. Face facts. Humbly accept that you will make mistakes. After all, everyone does. Even if you think you are blameless in a situation, recognize that your version of what happened is probably not the whole story. You will be more apt to apologize if you have a realistic view of yourself and
your shortcomings.
