When a person loses their spouse, the pain is unimaginable and it often feels like the grieving will never end. Friends and family often do not know how to react in the face of such suffering. For people who have not had the experience, it is impossible to understand the depth of the pain caused by the loss of a mate. In fact, the human mind only gradually accepts the terrible reality. Do you know someone who has experienced the death of a mate? How, then, can you provide support? What should you know in order to help widows and widowers work through their grief? How can you help the bereaved gradually to regain a taste of life?
Suggest Ways to Help Rather Than Ask
When you ask a grieving adult if they need help, they will most likely say, No, I am okay. people in the thick of grief often have no idea what they need. They are in shock and can barely get out of bed in the morning. They cannot articulate how someone can make their life better. To help them out, try not to say, What can I do to help? Instead, try, I’d like to come over and do so and so. This phrasing makes it easy for your friend to accept while still giving her the opportunity to decline if they really want to be alone.
Don’t take over planning funeral
Friends and family might be distressed by the suffering of their loved one and with good intentions try to limit the duration of the grieving process. While it might be appropriate for you to help with formalities related to the funeral arrangements, do not assume that you must take complete control of all matters that have to do with the funeral. Even though it is nice to offer help in a real and practical way, allows them to retain control of the arrangements. It will mean a lot to the bereaved to ensure everything goes well with their spouse’s funeral.
Do not be afraid to talk about the dead loved one
When you do not talk about the deceased, it seems as though they had never existed. In time, widows and widowers may wish to speak openly about their mate. Do you remember a kind gesture or an amusing story involving the deceased one? Then, offer to tell it to the surviving mate; do not allow fear to hold you back. If you sense that your comment would be welcome, say what you appreciated about him or what you miss about her. This may help grieving mates to appreciate that their grief is shared
Do not overwhelm the bereaved with advice
When offering your support, avoid overwhelming the grieving one with advice. Refrain from pressuring the bereaved mate to make decisions too quickly. Instead, use discernment. Sometimes just sit down quietly. You don’t have to say anything to be of help. Your presence alone is highly appreciated. You can run errands, cook, clean, and help in other ways. And do not expect that because you have experience with funerals, all the advice you give will be heeded.
Allow them to express their feelings
In order to start living a fuller life again, widowed individuals need to find the right balance between preserving the memory of their loved ones and caring for their own present needs. To help widows and widowers gently to heal—to move on with their lives, a first step could be to help the person express his feelings. As mentioned earlier, sit quietly and listen to what they have to say. Ask them how they are coping. By expressing conflicting feelings, such as regrets, guilt, or anger, the bereaved person takes a crucial step toward acceptance of his or her new circumstances.
Help Them Get Back to Their Daily Routine
Even though it is difficult at first, in time a widowed person needs to get back into a daily routine. Can you include him or her in some of your daily activities, such as shopping or an evening stroll? Can you ask your friend for help with some task? That is another way to draw individuals out of their isolation. By opening up to others once more, the bereaved person may progressively recover a taste for life and may even be able to set new goals.
Be Realistic
To be effective helpers, friends and family need to be realistic. For months, even years, the progress and hope of the widowed person may not be impressive. But do not despair. Keep trying. It is not easy.
