We often hear the phrase, “Just be yourself.” It rolls off the tongue like a comforting balm, a well-meaning mantra passed from friend to friend, mentor to mentee. But let’s pause for a moment and ask—what if the self you’re being isn’t particularly thoughtful, or kind, or even socially aware?
What if the version of you that shows up is guarded, awkward, or simply unaware of how your words land on others? What if that self is laced with arrogance, entitlement, or carries a whiff of elitism? Should you still cling to it as though it were a badge of honour?
Perhaps not.
Maybe, instead of anchoring our identity in a static notion of “self,” we should aspire toward something better, a self refined by self-awareness, sharpened by experience, and softened by compassion.
It is not just about doing the right thing, but doing it consistently, across context, across time, even when no one is watching.
Authenticity may be trending as a buzzword, but what Tony taught me is that when paired with integrity, when who you are aligns with how you behave, you become unforgettable. Not because you tried to impress, but because you showed up with intention.
That kind of presence earns respect. And more importantly, it earns trust.
Many of us are taught to seek external validation, to be liked, followed, promoted. But the deeper, more sustainable reward comes when you begin to admire who you are becoming.
That sense of inner pride doesn’t come from simply “being yourself.” It comes from the labour of sculpting a better self. The kind of self you’re proud to meet in the mirror.
“Just be yourself” doesn’t work if you haven’t done the work.
Because being yourself, if that self hasn’t yet learned empathy, communication, or presence, can alienate rather than connect and that’s not a judgment. That’s just the reality of human interaction.
So what does it look like to do the work?
- It looks like listening more than you speak.
- It looks like choosing kindness, even when it’s inconvenient.
- It looks like offering feedback with gentleness and clarity.
- It looks like doing more than is asked of you, without the expectation of applause.
- It looks like staying rooted in truth, yet flexible enough to grow.
- It looks like becoming someone whose reputation is not curated, but lived.
None of this comes easily and no one is born knowing how to manage the emotional complexities of being human, but we can learn. We must learn, if not for others, then at least for the dignity of becoming someone we ourselves can trust.
So no, don’t just be yourself.
Be the version of yourself that’s earned your own respect.
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