Expressions of appreciation are essential to successful relationships with people. It is also very important in marriage. marriage. Many couples, however, stop noticing their partner’s good traits, much less expressing
appreciation for them. How can you avoid that pitfall?
Many relationship experts posit that expressions of appreciation can offset marital stress. When a couple makes the effort to notice and acknowledge each other’s good qualities, their relationship typically improves. Even severe tension can be alleviated when spouses feel appreciated by each other.
Men often underestimate a wife’s efforts to support the household, whether through working, raising children, or homemaking. So when a husband tells his wife they’ve done well at something around the house—for example, with chores—she will realize that he still loves her despite her flaws. She will also feel supported and happier. In contrast, when a spouse feels taken for granted, it can threaten the very integrity of a marriage. When you don’t feel appreciated by your spouse, it’s easy to be drawn to someone who does make you feel appreciated.
What You Can Do
Try to notice positive traits that your spouse displays. Also, watch for things that your spouse does to keep your household running smoothly—things that perhaps until now you have taken for granted. Make a list of traits that you appreciate in your spouse and things that they did for the benefit of your family.
Why is being observant necessary? After you’ve been married for a few years, you can start to take your spouse for granted. You stop noticing the good things he does and tend to focus more on what he isn’t doing. Ask yourself: Do I take my spouse’s hard work for granted? For example, if your husband fixes things around the house, do you hold back from thanking him because you feel that it is his duty to take care of such chores? If you are a husband, do you feel that your wife’s efforts in child-rearing do not merit commendation because she is simply doing what is expected of her?
Make it a goal to notice and be grateful for all the efforts—both large and small—that your spouse makes for the benefit of your family. So try to get into the habit of thanking your spouse. When a person expresses appreciation for the things you do, it makes me work harder to be a better husband and to increase the effort I put into the marriage.