Your parent might be so happy on the day they remarry. You, though, might feel anything but joy! You will most likely feel betrayed. Why? The remarriage of a parent destroys the hope that your biological parents will ever get back together. On the other hand, remarriage can be particularly painful if it comes on the heels of the death of a beloved parent. How did you feel when your parent remarried?
For example, you might constantly make life difficult for your stepparent. You might even try to cause trouble between your parent and your stepparent, hoping to break them up. You don’t have to fall into that trap. You can cope with your emotional turmoil in more productive ways. Consider a few examples
Coping With the Authority of a Stepparent.
Coming under the authority of a new parent is not easy. You could feel betrayed by your parent, and feel the stepparent does not have the right to tell you what to do. It could also feel weird that a stranger can just stroll into your life and exercise the authority that your biological parent once had.
Learning to Share and Compromise.
You may face difficult challenges learning to share your space with this step-parent and his family. For example, you might have to relinquish your position as the oldest or the only child. If you are a son, you may for a long time have felt you were the man of the house—a position now occupied by your stepfather. You may have to share your space with step-siblings. It takes a lot of conscious effort to accept a step-parent as a family.
Coping With Unequal Treatment.
Try to understand why a stepparent may not feel the same way toward a stepchild as he does toward his natural one. Perhaps it is not the blood tie with his natural child but their shared experience in living. After all, you likely feel closer to your natural parent than you do to your stepparent. There is, however, an important distinction between equal and fair.
People have individual personalities and differing needs. So instead of being overly concerned about whether your stepparent is treating you equally, try to see if they are striving to meet your needs several years are needed before trust develops to the point where members of a step-family feel at ease with one another. Only then may diverse habits and values blend into a workable routine. So be patient! Do not expect that you will experience instant love or that an instant
the family will result.
