Are you perpetually angry? Do you flare up unnecessarily? Anger can cause you a lot of problems if you don’t have it under control. Chronic anger that flares up all the time or spirals out of control can have serious consequences for your physical health. It can also lead to stress, depression, and other mental health problems. In addition, anger can cause lasting scars in the people you love most and get in the way of friendships and work relationships.
Mastering the art of anger management will help you build better relationships, achieve your goals, and lead a healthier, more satisfying life. Anger management involves a range of skills that can help with recognizing the signs of anger and handling triggers in a positive way. It requires a person to identify anger early and express their needs while remaining calm and in control. Here are some things to do to avoid arguments:
Avoid Negative Thoughts
Try to control your emotions. Negative thoughts or emotions can contribute to fueling our anger. Our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours are all linked, so our thoughts impact how we feel and act. Negative emotions can be described as any feeling which causes you to be miserable and sad. These emotions make you dislike yourself and others, reducing your confidence, self-esteem, and general life satisfaction. Negative emotions stop us from thinking, behaving rationally, and seeing situations from their proper perspective. When this occurs, we tend to see only what we want to see and remember only what we want to remember. This can make us feel angry in situations where we necessarily should not.
Avoid Arguments
Unlike a debate, where you have some great ideas, and they clash, and you start a healthy back-and-forth that feels fun, arguments don’t work. Instead, they exacerbate the situation. Tension starts to rise, responses get personal, and you go around in circles without getting anywhere. There are many ways to step back from an argument graciously. Check out the article on how to have fruitful discussions and avoid disputes.
Dodge the Bullet
Sometimes when you agree with the person, you can avoid getting angry. Say things like You’re correct; I understand; that’s true. When you say I know, it can stop an argument because you show empathy. You show humility if you say, I’m sorry, or You’re right. Humility quenches anger. It weakens your opponent. Try to use some phrases that show consideration while smoothly introducing your perspective. Here are a few examples: Thank you for bringing this up. My concerns about this issue are; I understand your concerns about the matter. By phrasing your fears like this, you make them feel heard while clarifying your thoughts. It will start a productive debate instead of an argument.
Learn to Relax
To reduce anger, slow down and relax. Try to avoid saying the first thing that comes to mind. If you feel overly excited and feel you are in danger of losing control of your emotions, take your leave. Applying this can improve one’s emotional and physical health. Start by learning simple relaxation methods, which help reduce anger. The following techniques have proved to be effective in combating stress-related anger:
- Breathing deeply is one of the best—and fastest—ways to reduce the intensity of your anger.
- While breathing deeply, repeat a word or phrase calming to you, such as relax, let it go, or take it easy.
- I am getting regular exercise and eating a healthful diet.
- Immerse yourself in something you enjoy
Adjust Your Expectations
You may not be able to avoid the people or the things that act as anger triggers, but you can learn to control your reactions to them. This involves changing the way you think. For example, people with very high expectations tend to have more significant problems with anger. Why? Because when someone or something does not measure up to their high standards, disappointment and anger quickly follow. To combat this perfectionist mentality, it is good to remember that everyone is imperfect.
Learn to Compromise
Try to think flexibly during confrontations. Have a resolution in mind, but stay open to compromises based on the other person’s opinions. Neither side is likely to get what they want 100%. Try to keep listening even if they appear to be completely unreasonable. Stay open to potential solutions.
Get Help
Group or individual therapy can help a person identify and manage triggers. Some signs that a person may need professional or medical help include:
- being in trouble with the law
- frequently feeling that they have to hold in their anger
- regularly having intense arguments with family, friends, or colleagues
- getting involved in fights or physical confrontations
- physically assaulting a partner or child
- threatening violence to people or property
- breaking objects during an outburst
- losing their temper when driving and becoming reckless
To control anger, you need to avoid those situations that trigger you. And if you do get confronted, try to stay calm, think before you speak, adjust your expectations from people, and learn to compromise. Make a conscious effort not to get angry.
